ive spent a lot of time at my beach since friday. it sort of helps but i still feel empty and alone when i cant smell the salt air. the trees are being cut down around my white picket fence and the sight of their ragged stumps only fuels an already thriving animal.

ashley left tuesday for birmingham and wont be back till friday. its weird to not see her most days. you get used to seeing someone pretty much every day. its bringing out my homesickness for my family.

oh yeah, i bought a huge tv on sale at sams.

i dont really know why im so antisocial recently. it seems like all i want to do is sit around the house, even if i have nothing to do here. i dont go anywhere really unless its to get shit i need. i only hang out with people if they come here. meh.

been thinking a lot about the past. wondering where people are, who they are, whats changed and what hasnt. do they think of me?

well i inexplicably got a dollar raise at work and made about as much money on this check as i used to make at my old 9 dollar an hour job. i actually enjoy this job, a lot. like, more than i can really understand. not that its that amazing, i dont really care for working with people or anything like that but im actually BUSY all day long. even the 10 hour shifts go by incredibly fast because im not just sitting on my ass being forced into conversation with old people with whom i have nothing in common. i work with some guys that are near my age and that i sort of genuinely enjoy the company of. and i get free food, always a plus.

i got a cigarrete roller and two new tobaccos. i think its already time to move to pipe tobacco.

some people never change. some people change too much. some people change just enough to become the wrong person.

negatively speaking i cant really say im any better. probably in the first category. i feel like i havent changed much and all the change has been for the worst. i just feel more jaded i guess. i still have the same hang-ups and the same insecurities ive had for years and those things have only been exacerbated by situations or people.

i still dont sleep well alone and i still want to change things that will never be changed.

i guess if life was easier itd be less worth living.

the cat and the girl, pretty much

well i recently (by recently i mean today) bought some american spirit tobacco and papers to try my hand at hand rolling my cigarettes.

its not working out really well, as i am both lazy and impatient but im going to stick with it.

ashley is going to love the mess.

ok day one

first entry

i decided a new journal was in order. ill tell you about day to day shit that doesnt matter. ill become one of those people i laugh at for posting silly shit nobody wants to read but it will help me vent and what have you. ill post pictures when i have them. cool deal.

for those of you who dont know: i live in florence now. i have a girlfriend named ashley. i have a cat named luna. i shouldnt smoke lucky strikes, but i do. i shouldnt drink cheap wine, but i do. i have a mind that wont stop. i have netflix and i love music.

more to follow.